Steve Martin Funny Quote
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin Funny Quote
George Bernard Shaw Funny Quote
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw Funny Quote
Steven Wright Funny Quote
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Steven Wright Funny Quote
Lana Turner Funny Quote
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner Funny Quote
Jerry Seinfeld Funny Quote
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld Funny Quote
Bill Cosby Funny Quote
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby Funny Quote
Casey Stengel Funny Quote
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel Funny Quote
Bill Cosby Funny Quote
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby Funny Quote
Hedy Lamarr Funny Quote
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr Funny Quote
Buddy Hackett Funny Quote
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett Funny Quote
Jim Carrey Funny Quote
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey Funny Quote
Mae West Funny Quote
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West Funny Quote
Elbert Hubbard Funny Quote
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard Funny Quote
Mark Twain Funny Quote
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain Funny Quote
Mark Twain Funny Quote
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain Funny Quote
Phyllis Diller Funny Quote
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller Funny Quote
Lily Tomlin Funny Quote
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin Funny Quote
Ron White Funny Quote
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White Funny Quote
Frank Sinatra Funny Quote
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra Funny Quote
Elayne Boosler Funny Quote
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler Funny Quote
Mitch Hedberg Funny Quote
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg Funny Quote
Ellen DeGeneres Funny Quote
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres Funny Quote
Isaac Asimov Funny Quote
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov Funny Quote
Albert Einstein Funny Quote
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
Albert Einstein Funny Quote
Benjamin Franklin Funny Quote
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin Funny Quote
